Reality Bites

Well, the petition didn’t work. Maybe you just don’t believe in William Shatner. Personally, I’m a Shatner-Agnostic. Still, no intervention from deities so I’m going to have to do this off my own back.

I’ve not written in anger in three weeks now. But, there’s a deadline on the horizon. Baby C Due Date is less than two months away. 
And the BBC College of Comedy. I think I meet the criteria to qualify and, with the amount of appalling jokes on this blog, I should probably put my money where my mouth is. 
The only option to get all the things on my list done – and keep some kind of work/life balance. Don’t want to neglect the Better Half or Kids A and B –  is to get that extra hour a day. In the morning. And that’s going to mean getting up at five o’clock. 
But I made this choice to be a writer. Or struggle to be one. Can’t moan about it. Just be warned that I might be grumpy over the next few weeks. 
I’ve made my bed and I’ve got to lie in it…. Mmmmm… Bed….

Very Important Petition

I have started a Very Important Petition. Please sign it here

30 Rock My World

I hold Aaron Sorkin personally responsible for my late dicovery of ’30 Rock’.

“That script  would never have been made if the words ‘by Aaron Sorkin’ weren’t on the title page,” I thought as I stumbled to the end of ‘Studio 60 On Sunset Strip’.

Even I, a struggling comedy writer with an ego in constant need of feeding, stroking and tickling under the chin, balked at the idea of sketch writers being some kind of morally superior people who, given a chance, would make the world a better place.

So when I heard of ’30 Rock’, I simply went with formula that if a T.V. programme about a comedy show written by Aaron Sorkin sucks, then a T.V. programme about a comedy show not written by Aaron Sorkin must suck AND blow.

But, Christ on a bike, its great. Funny, smart, and uniformly well acted. Its full of acts of utter randomness and – possibly – has something to say about modern television and celebrity. But I’m normally laughing too hard to notice.

The biggest revelation, though, is Alec Baldwin. Appalling human being he may be, but like some comedy hippo, he comes in, chews the scenery and steals every damn scene he’s in. I was going to try and explain the scene below, but can’t do it any justice. It has to be watched. Just watch Alec explode in a shower of comedy genius and leave the set covered in gooey joke-ectoplasm.

But it would be wrong to not mention the peerless Tina Fey, the creator and star of the show (and how many times has that sentence been written about a woman, sisters? Not many, I’ll wager). Remember, Alec wouldn’t be this funny without someone making him that funny. 

But, Mr. Sorkin, my forgiveness is cheap. Just send me the first season of ’30 Rock’ and we’ll be back on speaking terms. 

Crashed and Burned into the Red Planet

Like Beagle 2, I’ve bounced off the atmosphere and careered into a crater and do not stride the Red Planet contest like some writing colossus. 

But as least I’ve gone where no simile has gone before.
Lucky really. I’ve re-used quite a few gags from that entry in other stuff…
Big up to whoever does win it. Fingers crossed it’s someone from the blogosphere…

Unimportant Meme

Yay! My first tag, courtesy of the lovely Laura.


1) Put the link of the person who tagged you on your blog..

2) Write the rules

3) Mention 6 things or habits of no real importance about you.

i. I will only ever use Moleskine notebooks because I like to pretend that I’m Ernest Hemingway.

ii. I have not had a bath for at least 8 years. 

iii. I have never watched “Watership Down” all the way through after being traumatised by it as a child. My mother had to turn it off half way through.

iv. This, in turn, has left me with a sense of unease whenever I hear Art Garfunkel’s voice and so I hold him personally responsible for me not being able to get into Simon & Garfunkel.

v. I cry with alarming regularity. But so did John Peel, so I feel I’m in good company.

vi. I have played guitar for 16 years, but I’m nowhere near as good as you’d think I should be.
There. I think I’m last and least on this meme, so there’s no-one left to pass it on to….

Oh, and kudos to the person who downloaded the Betty Rubble picture from yesterday’s post. I hope it helped.

All Time Top 5 Part 5.

1. Betty Rubble – “The Flintstones”

Truly, until they draw a cartoon Tina Fey, there can be only one winner.
Cat in “Red Dwarf”” once said “I’d go with Betty, but I’d be thinking of Wilma.” WRONG! Wilma was nothing but a shrill harridan. Betty was where it was at. 
Just look at her. A perfect image of prehistoric loveliness, waiting for me with a nice plate of mastodon after a hard day at the quarry. But what could I offer her? Apart from fire? 
I don’t know what Barney was doing clearing off every night to the Water Buffalos. I’m pretty sure I could take him in a fight for her honour. Does anyone else think that Barney looks like Rick Parfitt from Status Quo?
So, what have we learned from this long, drawn-out exercise? That my perfect woman would be a red-head with glasses? Shit. My perfect woman is Anne Robinson. 
I need to go and have a shower to wash the dirt off. 

All Time Top 5 Part 4.

2. Lisa Simpson – “The Simpsons”

Before everyone clicks “Unsubscribe” and starts clearing out their browser history, I’m talking about the 23 year old Lisa from the episode “Lisa’s Wedding”.
When I was 23, she would’ve been my ideal woman. Smart, humourless and so far out of my league that we’re not even playing the same sport. 
Still, if my life with the Better Half has taught me anything, it’s that you can get a girl who’s way above your station simply through an emotional war of attrition until they finally give in. 
Plus it’s a really sweet episode that has me crying like an 8 year old girl with a skinned knee by the end. 
Who will be number 1…?