Apple To Update iPhone Keyboard…

…To reflect changes in modern grammar.

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“Cutting Edge” Technology

Army of Dave Solves iPhone Reception Issues

So you’ve got your iPhone. Made to wait in a humiliating line outside the shop, enduring the ridicule of passers-by who do not yet require an electronic device to fill the void where their soul used to be.

But you’ve discovered that, when making telephone calls, the signal strength drops and you sometimes get disconnected. Once you’ve discounted the possibility that the other person has simply hung up on you because you keep banging on about your bloody iPhone, you can only conclude that there must be a fault.

Sure, Apple have begun shipping free cases but that would ruin the aesthetics and smooth lines of the design. Plus people won’t know that YOU’VE GOT AN iPHONE 4! Which was kind of the point of you getting it in the first place.

Ladies and gentlemen, worry no longer. What you need is an iGlove:

Army of Dave Enterprises’ top engineers have worked tirelessly through the afternoon and produced this ergonomically designed rubberised phone augmentation.

Designed to eliminate conductivity and contact with your phone’s aerial, you will be able to shout “I’M ON THE TRAIN!!!” with neither lost calls nor people wondering what kind of phone you’re using.

Available For the Left Handed:

As Well As the Right Handed:

Apple CEO Steve Jobs had this to say about the iGlove:

“Who are you? How did you get this number? You’ve done what?! I’ll get in my private jet, fly over and kick your limey ass. Well, I would do but my plane doesn’t work in the rain. It’s not an issue, though. All planes don’t work in the rain.”

Steve Jobs, Yesterday

Available direct from Army of Dave Enterprises for £14.99.

Army of Dave Enterprises. The Future Is Now!

UPDATE:

The iGlove celebrity endorsement has flooded in:

Yes. Pretty Bloody Chic. So will they all be wearing them in Shoreditch soon?

Bugger.

Apple Launches New Stormtrooper

Both the 16GB and 32GB models will be available in either black or white.

Darth Vader is annoyed.

Predictive Text

Breaking News: Apple Announces New Product

March 17th 2010: Apple use St Patrick’s Day to announce a deal with Guinness to market a new product to be known as the Apple iRish:

“In many ways, Guinness and Apple are the perfect partners,” said Steve Jobs. “Guinness – like Apple products – does roughly the same thing as it’s rivals but looks prettier and costs a lot more.” 

Jobs also confirmed that anyone who buys five Apple iRishes today will receive a stupid fucking hat.

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(Look, I know I’ve posted that picture before on this site but it was before anybody read it.

And – okay – on Twitter as well. But do you know how long it took me to make that picture? Bloody ages. Mostly because I’m completely inept.

Think of it as a gift. Use it as a screensaver or wallpaper for your phone.)

Gadget Boy

The Better Half puts up with a constant stream of gadgets (though, I think it’s called “tech” now, possibly in an attempt to sound less nerdy and more like you’re a member of Special Forces). Thanks to eBay, iPods, Blackberries, mobiles, notebooks, PDAs, iPhones and laptops pass in and out of the door with alarming regularity.

Now I’ve got the new Blackberry up and running, and spurred on by Gerry , I am all Twittered up. Always one to jump on a bandwagon too late, me.

I’ve set a little Twitter feed up on the blog. You can follow me here and I’ll follow you.

Just another weapon in the armory against Getting Anything Done. Come on, people, let’s waste some time!