Movember – Can I Have My Face Back Now?

And so Movember has drawn to a close. The moustache has been washed down the plug hole, half-forgotten like an embarrassing drunken memory. My face is barren and uninteresting.

You amazing people were generous enough to help me raise £130 for the cause and I really can’t thank you enough. You are all awesomely awesome.

Especially you. You’re my favourite x

I’ll probably do it all again next year. You never know, I might have hit puberty by then.

The Mo’ney Shot

(Sorry about the lack of posts recently. I’ve been having all sorts of computer problems. Then again, you’ve probably been thankful I haven’t been clogging up your inboxes/blog feeds with rubbish.)

Movember Day 18 – Farewell To Dignity

“You’re no Tom Selleck.”

These are the words no man wishes to hear. But this is what The Better Half told me earlier this week.

The problem is, she’s right.

Before I began Movember I was worried about the humiliation of having a terrible moustache. The reality is the humiliation that people are failing to notice that I even have a terrible moustache.

I don’t know if it can be seen in this picture, but I also appear to be turning into Alan Whicker.

It’s made all the worse by the fact that my father has a thick luxuriant Des Lynam-esque moustache that is made entirely of win and awesome.

Even though I am a disappointment as a son, Dad has generously donated to the Movember cause. And there’s still time for you to do the same here.

I will be forever in your debt. Thanks.


The Fluff of Movember: Day 7

The Better Half finished her croissant and looked across the breakfast table at me.

“Are you going to put a picture of your face on your blog so people can laugh at you?”

I put down the copy of the Guardian and stroked my upper lip. “I suppose I’d better”.

(I’m not making this shit up. This is the cliched liberal-lower-middle-class life that we live. Croissants. The Guardian. Personal abuse.)

It should be noted that my body does not work well in a time frame. It does not react happily to deadlines. I have always believed in quality not quantity.

So here it is.

After a week of growth.

Be nice.

I shaved especially for this photo.

And moisturised.

And deep-cleansed.

Are you ready?

Rubbish, isn’t it?

I’m embarrassed to show it to you.

I’m also bitterly regretting telling you about the moisturising and deep-cleansing.

But I assure you, there is hair there.

We’re on our way.

From small acorns and all that.

Thank you to everyone who has donated so far. You’ve been more than generous.

Perhaps psychology could play a part. If you haven’t donated and were kind enough to do so here, I might be shamed into producing more testosterone and boost my hair growth.

If you need evidence that I can do it, here’s a photo taken the day before my first Movember shave.

Alpha Male!!! Grrr!!!

I’ll keep you posted on developments.

(By the way, the person who googled “Gregg Wallace Sexy” to get to this blog. You are a bad, bad person)

Remember Remember the Fluff of Movember – Day 1

I am very far from gruntled. In fact, I would say that I am distinctly disgruntled.

Today sees the beginning of Movember, so I have taken a razor blade to my face for the first time in years.

I want to stick the hair back on with glue.

My stupid face is puffy. My stupid face is uninteresting. My stupid face is barren.

And it appears that my hairy chin was useful for diverting attention away from MY MASSIVE FUCKING NOSE.

It has come to light some people think that this growing of a moustache was another case of me “dicking about” and weren’t aware that I was trying to raise money for cancer research.

So, I would be unbelievably grateful if you could go here to my MoSpace site and donate some money for this worthwhile cause.

Think of the sacrifice the Better Half is making having to look at and kiss a man with a dubious moustache.

Thanks in advance for your generosity and I’ll be posting weekly updates on my progress and performance.

Okay. There is some element of me “dicking about”.

Movember Needs You!!!

I’m an important man. I own many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

But how does one outwardly display one’s sophistication and love of the finer things in life? Cigars? Fine wines? The works of John Grisham?

These are all fine options, but the finest of all is the moustache.

Whether the handlebar, the Chaplin or the ASBO bumfluff (my own personal choice), man has been able to show his debonair streak ever since the razor blade was invented.

“Yes, Dave. I am a man of the world and I wish to take part in the most manly of pursuits and cultivate a luxuriant lip warmer,” I hear you cry. “But how can I do this without incurring the ridicule of my less cosmopolitan friends and relations?”

Simple. Do it for charity.

Every November, thousands of suave men around the world take part in Movember to raise awareness of and money to combat prostate cancer. And this year, I and – I hope – you will join them.

Not for us the undignified run around a city park. All that is required is to shave on November 1st and then grow the best moustache your testosterone can provide. Possibly while lounging around sipping port.

If you feel that perhaps you are not urbane enough, then I’d be very grateful if you could donate to this worthy cause (I’ll badger you nearer the time as well). Thanks.

So, please. Donate your face. Donate some time. Donate some money.

Who’s In?