I Made This!

I believe that you can never have too many tee shirts.

The Better Half has always disagreed with me on this.

This feeling has grown stronger since my tee shirt drawer collapsed recently under the sheer weight of the contents. True story.

Printed Wardrobe are an online clothing company that allows you – the consumer – to create your own designs and, if you’re that way inclined, sell them and receive 10% of the purchase price as commission.

When they asked me to review the site and knock up some tee shirts, I immediately reached for the picture editing software and the Better Half immediately reached for the Ikea catalogue.

The site contains plenty of images and designs that you can incorporate into your garment, but – me being me – I wanted to create something completely original.

Unfortunately, what I know about graphic design can be written on the back of a limited edition stamp featuring famous Hobbits from the Shire Post Office. But, I downloaded GIMP (a free Photoshop-esque picture editor) and found the font I wanted to use. After a couple of hours reading up about transparencies and channels and layers and other things I didn’t really understand, I unleashed my creativity, uploaded my design and produced this bad boy:

Knowing my luck, I’ll get into loads of arguments with born-again Jedis now.

To be honest, I had to scale the logo to twice the size that Printed Wardrobe recommended be used in order for it to look decent. But this could be down to my amateurish techniques. But once I was happy with the design, the upload was simple & positioning it on the tee shirt easy.

The print gets scanned on by computers and stuff and it all looks professionally made. I was stupidly proud of it. So much, that I ticked the box to sell it. So you can buy lots of stuff with the design on here. May I recommend a ‘Lapsed Jedi’ pillow?

Now I knew what I was doing, the second design was much quicker to create:

Yes. I’ve been working out. Thanks for noticing.

But @Its_Death merchandise! Awesomeballs! Being a corporate mercenary whore, you can give us money in exchange for goods here.

So, an afternoon’s work and I’ve ended up with two exclusive designs.

And I’m an idiot.

You are not idiots. I’m sure you can do better. And using the code DESIGN20, you can be better than me for 20% less than usual until the end of September.

Now to get on with my ‘Stuck-Up, Half-Witted, Scruffy-Looking Nerf Herder’ shirt….

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Ready? Jedi? No!

I am a geek. This is well documented. Army of Dave has been referred to as a “geek blog”.

I have an iPhone, laptops, netbooks and lust after an iPad 2 because I hear that the new iPad processor is powered by the judgment of others.

Last weekend, I overheard Kid B groaning “I EAT BRAINS!!!” and it was the proudest day of my life.

I like science which, thanks to Brian Cox, is now more popular. Hipsters in Shoreditch tell each other “I was into theoretical physics way before it was cool.”

So far, so geeky.

You’ll all be thinking that I’ll be putting “Jedi” as my religion on the UK census form, right? But you would be wrong.

Sure, we all ask ourselves the big questions from time to time, as we lie awake at night wondering if we’re all merely figments of Charlie Sheen’s imagination, but I will be ticking “No Religion”.

Campaign groups say that if those of no faith tick “Christian” out of habit, or write down comedy answers, this will mis-report the number of religious people in the country and this will affect how the government handles related policy.

But there are bigger theological matters.  

I’ve been having a crisis of faith since the Star Wars prequels and I don’t think “Lapsed Jedi” is an acceptable answer to write. I’d considered alternatives, but they didn’t go down well. You say you’re writing “Jedi” on the census and some people think it’s funny. I said that I was going to put “Sith” and suddenly I’M the bad guy.

More importantly, if everyone puts “Jedi” as their religion, the government will use this as evidence that there are enough Big Society volunteers and cut funding currently ring-fenced to fight the Galactic Empire.

If that happens and we all find ourselves working in the spice mines of Kessel, I’ll know who to blame.

The Rebel Alliance Finally Bought PowerPoint

More WikiLeaks Revelations

Another Star Wars Book

Look, you have @Banalyst to blame for this one because he emailed me the title and I giggled.

I can only apologise that my MS Paint skills can’t do it justice.

Yoda Went Into Self-Help Publishing

Tatooine: It’s a Bit Chavvy